I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
