dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
