I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
