dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
