Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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