So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
