But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
