Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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