first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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