We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
