I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
