the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
