Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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