I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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