just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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