Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
