Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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