Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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