Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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