WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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