y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
