just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize