Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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