A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize