I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
