i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
