the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
