you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
