The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
