My friends, they love my intelligence
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
