someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
