Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
