i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
