Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
