Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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