When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
