I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
