Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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