I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
