Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
