Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
