Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
