There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
