I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
