Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
