I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
