His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
