I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
