sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
