Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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