White coat. Heels.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
