Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
