she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
