some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize