Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
