I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
