he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my being single is dangerous.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
