Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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