I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
