Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
