my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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