First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
