worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
