FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
