I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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