i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
