Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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